Lordy, where to begin?
Gabbertoons is the cyberspatial extrusion of Christopher Gabbert, a descendant of Pomeranian psychotics let loose upon the Earth long, long ago. The Irrev. Christopher Gabbert is a cartoonist, illustrator, baker, ordained witch doctor, web wonk, ailurophile, gourmand, and court jester to the human conditioner. (Actually that last bit is somewhat undermined by his adherence to quantum entanglement.). Despite deep misgivings and bad omens, Gabbertoons is where The Irrev may practice, document, dither, dally and otherwise alliteratively take action in these areas with respect to the consensual irritation known as the Internet.
Gabbertoons contains the Gabbertoons Gallery of Humor, the sad accumulation of Christopher Gabbert's attempts to amuse himself (he failed). There is also a Photo Album containing proof that the Irreverend Christopher Gabbert actually knows real human beings and sometimes even interacts with them. Try not to be frightened, but the Irreverend also maintains a blog. Actually, it is a tripartite blog because, of course, Christopher Gabbert will never do anything simply that can be done in a highly complicated manner. The three blogs are News & Views (personal journal and soap box), Reviews (mediatastic mastication) and Food & Drink (cullinary ruminations, reviews, recipes and gadget lust). Taken altogether, they are known as Gabberlog and are summarized on a page of the same name. Finally, shameless mercantilism is trotted out at the Gabbertoons Store.
Gabbertoons (The Movie) stars Richard Roxburgh, Tilda Swinton, Richard E. Grant, Tom Baker, Steve Buscemi, Sarah Silverman, Ian Anderson, Ian McKellen, Holly Hunter, Michael Palin, Tom Waits, Steve Martin, Agnes Moorehead, William Shatner, Loreena McKennitt, John Turturro, Jodie Foster, and of course Kevin Bacon. Gabbertoons (The Cereal) contains riboflavin, Vitamin B-4 (Yousunkmybattleshipsin), partially hydrogenated hydrogen, polysorbitoenailintransboogerearwaxinate, bats, salt and whiskey. Gabbertoons (The Cliff Notes) is prohibited by the Holy Mother Church of Rome. Do NOT agitate the marshmallows.
Like Gabbertoons itself, the Irreverend Christopher Gabbert is based in fabulous New York City. One tradition has it that at this point something like "which is fucking awesome" should be interjected. Another tradition requires some monumental gripe about this enormous, noisey, dirty, bustling, frustrating, heartless city should be thrown in here, summarized by referering to the Big Apple as "New York Fucking City." But this is supposed to be a page informing you all about Gabbertoons and the Irrev. Gabbert, so we'll just skip to saying Christopher Gabbert really loves his cats. It's true. And they pretend to love him, no doubt because it amuses them. Though these wee dramas are often played out in places other than here, the end result is you will find many pictures of the Gabbert Cats throughout this site. [Now is the time to either go "Aw" or make a retching noise. They really won't care much either way, so knock yourself out.]
Gabbertoons contains up to 0.00001% of the recommended daily intake of fiber, iron and fully formed sentences. With a regimen of pressing one's eyes as close to the monitor as possible after boosting the contrast and brightness, Gabbertoons can provide well over 100% of the recommended daily inner-occular dosage of high frequency electromagnetic radiation. Gabbertoons is not and never has been a significant source of vitamin C, riboflavin, Precambrian fossiliferous strata, Enlightenment poetry or sodium. Gabbertoons may cause gas, headaches or a bloated feeling if improperly used. Gabbertoons employs lemurs, not monkeys, to generate its typewritten content. Gabbertoons is not responsible for red state nonsense, attempts to legislate Creationism, rapacious war mongering for oil, Fox News or other forms of complete and utter stupidity, but it certainly is steamed about these things. Gabbertoons has not been shown to do much for you in the disease symptoms department, but then again, it hasn't been shown to cause side effects such as sexual dysfunction, anal leakage or that not-so-fresh feeling. If any of these turn out to be a side effect of Gabbertoons or its affiliates, we will laugh very, very hard indeed.
Gabbertoons is Copyright © 1965-2005 (and beyond) Christopher Gabbert, all rights reserved world-wide. Other copyright material appearing here is copyright of its respective owner(s) and is noted where remembered.
